Communication Key with Elderly Parents

Communicating With Your Elderly Parent

If communication skills are supposed to improve with age, then why is it that communicating with your elderly parent is such an anxiety-filled and oftentimes frustrating event? A family’s past is one of the factors that makes talking about the future so difficult. And so is an aging parent’s level of coherence as well as the parent’s overall state of physical and mental health.

As parents get older, roles begin to reverse. Their adult children, many of whom have their own families to care for, slowly or suddenly find themselves playing the role of primary caregivers for their aging parents. The fact that children start becoming the ones to offer opinions and make decisions about how their parents should live is a bit unnerving. Since all involved generally feel a good deal of discomfort, conversations that need to take place frequently end up being avoided all together.

Although it may seem easier to avoid talking about the issues, discussing these issues is a wise decision. The time for communicating with your elderly parents is while they’re still healthy and capable of telling you of their wants, needs and preferences. When adult children wait to communicate until a significant life-altering event takes place, they often find themselves making decisions that may or may not coincide with what their parents would have wanted.

Here are a few tips for communicating with your elderly parent. Following this advice will relieve stress and may help you get the outcome you’re looking for:

Treat Adults as Adults

Even though you may be the one caring for an aging parent, that person still is an adult, not a child. That parent still deserves respect, and should never be made to feel inadequate. Don’t issue orders to your parent; ask politely and remember your manners. Always be sure your parent is an active participant in the conversation. And be sure to listen when it’s appropriate.

Set the Scene

If it’s possible, talk somewhere you both feel comfortable, preferably on mutual ground. Before initiating conversation, make eye contact. This is important because your aging parent may be lying down or in a wheelchair while communicating. Get close enough to your parent (without invading his or her personal space), make sure you have your parent’s attention, and then speak directly to your parent. Closeness helps build trust, but just as importantly, being close helps you keep your tone at an even level. The greater the distance, the more likely you are to have to shout so your words can be heard. Shouting never makes for effective communication, especially if your parent is frail or suffers some sort of mental disorder.

Don’t Rush Things

Your aging parent needs more time to do everything from getting out of a chair to retrieving the right word from memory. Make sure you have plenty of time available. If you try to rush the conversation or try to rush your parent off to an appointment, it’s only going to cause a lot of stress and frustration.

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